Hello all,
Great news, my ptd entry exam was released 2 weeks ago, and alhamdulillah I passed! Phew! Pretty tough questions I’ll say! Anyway all praise to Allah the Almighty.
So I am waiting for the next phase… it’s called PAC or Personal Assessment Course I think… But one thing’s for sure, it’s gonna be even tougher. There’ll be debates ala parlimen in BM and BI, also public speaking in both languages, fitness tests, physcology tests, group work and the likes. Wow, I sure hope I’ll make it, insya Allah!

Okay, last week I was eating at the this restaurant at Sri Gombak. The tv at the place was at full blast. It showed the lengthy Sembilu series which started in 2003 (and the end is no where in sight!). Anyway, I am not into movies unless it’s good. And I really hate romance and kissy stuff in movies, I like action better, so I dont watch this sembilu thing.

However, the title reminded me of the original Sembilu 1 & 2 in 1994-1996 I think. AND (drums rolling..) in those years, I was in form 4 & 5. As you all know and have been through, those were the years where u experience hormonal changes and stuff. You know, the suddenly not-so-innocent anymore smile between the opposite sex and all. Previously smiling to one another between different sexes doesnt mean anything especially during primary school.

But when u have reached the age of puberty so to speak, u suddenly become aware of changes to ur surrounding including those pimples on ur face! Anyway, during 1994 it was my so called honeymoon year (kids, dont pay attention to this!) because ur a step to seniority and u get to relax a bit since pmr has just finished and spm is still a 1 year ahead and the seniors in form 5 are too busy preparing for their exams to be bothered with u all of the times.

So when Awie went solo and produced his first solo album and consequently acted in Sembilu 1 & 2, you can imagine how the album and movies combined effects have on our raw nerves and hormones! I was madly in love with this girl. For you see, I was in another school and had to go to this new school since my old one doesnt cater for form 4& 5. So this girl made the first move. I had my first monkey love experience.

To be honest, I heard rumours that the girl was just fooling around since I was the new kid in the block. But I ignored it. Although I didnt talk to her because I was damn shy (;-P), and come to think of it, she also didnt talk to me, just she send regards (kirim salam) thru her friends to me, I was so in love of her! It was not the looks la please, I am not that kind of stereotypical person. I go for brains, maturity, caring and smart looks. I like the way she dressed, simple but smart and sophisicated.

To make matters worse, it was my first love, and everything was damn cloudy. Every night I studied at the school (it was a boarding school) until the wee hours just to be able to sit on her desk and read her notes (just to get a feel of talking to her, the notes were useless since we were from different streams). Soon I was hearing the ugly rumours that she is playing around wif me and wasnt serious.

But I didnt care. She was my love of my life. Not until 6 months before SPM that I had the evidences. I saw here talking very fondly to this guy often and I heard the her friends talk about the two but quickly change the subject when I came. So there…

Obviously I was badly hurt. And during the so-called perasan months of love, the Awie songs really made things rosier than it should (not?) be. And after I learned the truth, it was even haunting to say the least. The worse had just began… I found out I couldn’t forget her until today. It’s been almost 11 years for God’s sake.

That’s why when I heard the Original Sound Track of the Sembilu series, with the catchy lyrics and the mid 90’s tunes combined with the Sembilu story, it really hit me that I haven’t got over her. For the malay version of my ramblings, please tune in to

I guess she continues to throb my heart whether or not she knows it, especially after I heard that she has married her man of choice. I wholeheartedly congratulate to her! I bear thee no ill will. I pray to God for thine happiness with thine significant other. Your happiness with your chosen consort will always be my happiness too. I don’t ask you anything at all.

It’s pretty dumb for me not to be able to forget her after all these years, but hey everyone has his/her soft spots. This is mine and I will cherishly suffer this until God liberate me of this pain with the sweet release of death.

385 (that’s the code I use to refer her in my ramblings), you are my true, first and last love of my life in this ephermal world. I WAS THEN IN LOVE WITH YOU, I CONTINUE TO LOVE YOU EVEN TODAY AND I SHALL CONTINUE TO LOVE YOU UNTIL THE DAY GOD COMMANDS ME HOME. To anyone who can understand who am I referring to, please let it go. Just let this ramblings and its author in peace. I just have to let it out sometimes. The Sembilu OST really is something… and so was her!

Here’s my attempt to translate the lyrics of the song into english :-
I dedicate this song ( you can download the song from here if u’re lucky it’s not over it’s bandwidth ) to 385, Kajang, the boarding school and to my heavy heart…


If there is any love,
I’ll pick it up and cherish its sweetness
The feelings of two loving hearts
Tingles dearly with the colours of the rainbow

Restlessness is wearing out my heart
As the fog mournfully clothes the morning
Verily love cometh and love goeth
Each time taking me back into memory lane

For it’s all over now
Tearing my tender heart apart

You have gone
Together with the winds of change
Now it’s no more
The love that was once in my heart
As I understand… you are not for me
Tearing my tender heart apart


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