‘Sometimes’ can become an obsession

berdoa BESEECH : Dear Allah, I am forever hapless. Please guide me to the right path always. Amin!

Dear WordPress,

I took a short 2 day break because I simply need it. But the anxiety of the coming Monday devastated the two short supposedly refreshing break and turned into 2 years in a microwave oven. Truly said, there is nothing more pleasing for most of us to rub salt to someone’s wound or stomp and wipe your feet clean onto someone down on the floor. Bullying isn’t just some kind of childhood learning experience. It’s a human trait entrenched on a significant majority of people on earth.

A more subtle reference to this undignified behaviour is treating someone else as a stepping stone. I guess the nature of mankind is to enjoy every moment looking at somebody else squeamish on the floor. As an added bonus, participating in agonizing the poor soul is actually a dream come true to these bullies. Not to care is as easy as turning away and deafening their eyes. An art perfected by these aristocratic snob who are a bit blessed than others.

For the rest of us who are bottom feeders (like the movie District 9), we scrape off what we can from the floor of scraps and bits just to get by the day. My work place seems to be just like that. People from other divisions just love to kick dirt and piss on us every now and then. You could say they were paid to do just that. An enjoyable occupation with money to boot! Certainly a rare find these days.

I have been thinking most of the time quitting. It isn’t worth my time on earth. Probably I would get some kind of hint by this December on this matter. Come to think of it, I have been a bottom feeder since graduating from the university. I guess I am everybody favourite old rug for their muddy shoes to wipe on. The only good I can see if I can stand it, is that it teaches you humility and to walk the earth knowing you’re the same like everyone else, neither high nor low. It’s the good deeds that tip the weighing scale of justice in the hereafter.

Although I belief in this, yet as the saying goes, it is easier said than done. You get to the point where anger is replaced with hopelessness and sometimes sheds of hot tears down the cheeks in the wee black night thinking of tomorrow’s agony. If it was up to me, a few punches right smack in the smug faces of these people and a karate flying kick in the stomach and finished off with several hard and fast knee kicks in the nose should make it up all of it. And as an en chore , I quit and walk the door a free man.

Of course then the free man part would soon end with jail time. That’s why I always dream of having just a minuscule role in this world to go about on my journey without much people protruding in my face. Yes, I know; a jungle is the perfect place for me. But I think you get what I mean. These silly occasional dreams of having just a small and quiet life is beckoning often begging me to realise it, especially given my day-to-day circumstances at the office. Definitely people would say, there are other people suffering much worse than you are and you should be grateful for that.

Indeed, the air I breath and the eyes that I see thru as well as the ears where sounds enter my realm are several over countless blessings I received from God. But those people on the rough edges of life are in actual fact far better persons than me. So you are comparing apples and oranges here. Me being just some small hobbit just couldn’t handle anymore these Sauron-class predicaments life tosses at me. I just want to be at the Shire far from the complications of life that are too massive for me to comprehend.

Yes, these ‘sometimes’ thoughts have become an obsession of sorts for me, wishing I could be whisked away from all of this with just a wave of Gandalf’s wand. But you and me know that this is not possible. People usually replace what they want with an obsession as the closest substitute to reality. For me at least…


4 responses to “‘Sometimes’ can become an obsession

  1. Ikbal, remember an article u emailed me many yrs ago? It was on ‘Be grateful with whatever that comes to your life. It’s somthing like this …kalau isteri membentak2, syukurlah kita ada telinga yg masih boleh mendengar…..I was thankful when u sent me the mail and it motivates me when I’m down. At least there is one thing that is good about life, you can CHOOSE what you want. With a little bit of wisdom, and guidence from Allah you can choose what’s best for you and your life. You can love or hate people but your wisdom says to love is better than to hate. We’re born with love, hence live with love so that we can die in the greatest love of Allah.

  2. Dear Madam,

    Thanks for the kind advice.

    Words from the elders always bear wisdom to those of ‘green’ years even though it will always not be obvious at first. Such is the lesson I learnt every time I don’t follow my parents’ advice. I have always been too naive to see its wisdom.

    Anyway, to say when you are down Madam, the short 1 year plus I work for you, never did I witnessed you being ‘down’. Always optimistic and lively.

    May Allah blessed us all.

  3. Dude,

    It is really heartbreaking to read ur post & our recent brief conversation said it all. I know that somewhere along the road and between those tears and sweat shed, u’ll go through it respecfully. Either its to go on with what ur doing or to decide something else to do with that life or urs..

    Whatever it is, i believe that time, work and space will bring some sense into ur decision and u will definitely make the right one when the time comes.

    So, as always.. i’d say do what u think is best for u and the people around u. When i say people, i mean those who u really care about and not those hopeless bunch that is no importance to u. Anyway, holla me when u have the time and surely i will help in any way i can..

  4. p/s: I remember those days when we used to listen to this chap singing in our little office.. sure bring back good old fart days…

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