That Red Dusky Evening

Today I spent half of my time helping mom and dad with entertaining relatives coming to the house for raya festivities.

In the midst of it all, I spent another half browsing the internet for any memories of Suzan as keepsakes and perhaps in the process get to know her better albeit belatedly.

Yes, I gathered a handful gems of mementos of her from friends. And I must say I was quite surprised to learn about her:
1. she was athletic and kept herself fit;
2. loved active wears; and
3. loved to help out friends in need, selflessly.

All these she did without making a fuss or highlighting it on her FB account. Of course, some things that she did, she actually posted them on FB to share her concerns mainly, such as outing scams and rescuing poor animals.

All in all, I guess we could be real good buddies for we had much in common. As I gather bits and pieces of her scattered around even until this sad Sunday evening, Awie and Ziana Zain’s Senja Nan Merah song bore some semblance of my current endeavor. I guess I am now pathetically imagining that we are friends again getting to know each other better:

“Haruskah kita mencari dalam senja begini
Kembali kita bertemu
Haruskah kita mencari dalam simpati wangi
Kembali kita bersama
Membilang kenangan yang abadi
Seperti menunggu mentari senja
Menghilang perlahan-lahan disebalik
Awan yang merah

Dibalik awan yang merah
Dibalik awan yang merah…”

Yes, today I met her under the dusky red sky looking for the many fragments of her life for me to treasure. Soon after, she left me again slowly into the retreating red horizon. 

If it was only… then it would… but alas!

To my dearest friend who has left me forever.

Our friendship wasn’t that long. T’was mere months in fact. But your warmth, sense of humour and the joy that you will always shower upon the world, made it seem that we have been acquainted for centuries!

True friends are hard to come by verily in real life; and yet it pales in comparison to find one on this fabric made of nothing more than wires, silicone and electricity! You were a pearl dug from the deepest of oceans. You were my gift on this lonely plane.

I know that time will heal my pain. Alas until then, your not being here will continue to taunt me. If I wasn’t all cowardly, a simple sorry for my mistake would close the chasm that tore us apart and made us strangers again.

Until I can accept it, I shall shoulder this deep regret as my burden to carry on this gloomy road. I wish time was my friend that I can ask a small favour to allow me to correct my fault. And yet ’tis path hath already been set hard as stones eons ago.

Suzan Seah, I really miss you. I can’t stop neither this tears nor thinking of you sister. If this is all just a joke, how cruel it may be, I won’t be mad; I promise! I’ll run back to you friend as fast as these legs are able to. Or if this is a long dream from a coma, I’ll find you when I wake up, just don’t leave me again.

~16 June 2019 9.30 pm~

Apakah suratan
Aidilfitri satu titik akhir
Sekian lama bercinta
Kau tiada di hari mulia

Keampunan ku pohon
Sekiranya aku yang berdosa…

Here we try (yet) again!

According to Malcolm Gladwell (read his Outliers book – 2008), one need to do something repeatedly for 10,000 hours to be a master in his / her chosen ‘obsession’ (yeah, that’s the definition of doing the same thing for approximately 1.24 years!). Leaning on his prose, I am going to do that; writing myself to death (almost) until I can exactly have the hang of it.

My goal? Well, apart from inevitably driving myself crazy, I am thinking of writing a book (he hopes!). Definitely I can see the long road ahead. Being an introvert (it has worsen now), putting yourself in forefront of people for any number of reason is an oxymoron. But then again, as I peruse my ramblings in this mashed up blog of mine, I rarely recognise the person that wrote all these!

That really get me intrigued and being the sucker to all things unexplained or rather mysterious, I decided to see where this will end. I mean, it’s like opening my skull and having an all access pass to my various parts of the brain and its curious nooks. Discovering oneself is one thing but mastering and hacking it to your advantage is another! In the end, the latter is what all geniuses and the successful people have in common; they understand how they tick and use it to their advantage.

Of course, they are other ways in doing so but writing is one thing I find quite challenging. Firstly because you need to organise your thoughts as you try to get it laid out in the open as coherent paragraphs and themes. My thinking isn’t all that clear. It’s like deciphering algebra in Russian for me.

And even if I have it all figured out (rarely so nowadays), I usually have the problem of uncontrolled gushed of thoughts that rushed out like Japanese bullet trains at rush hours. Too many ideas, thoughts, themes and insights that blared loudly for attention. Similarly chaotic is the dearth of inspirational sparks to carry on writing; imagine suddenly being stranded on some dry barren dessert with an empty water bottle.

Secondly, for the most part of my life, it has been like a leaky Titanic. Built hugely on hope and dreams of grandeur but ultimately faulty at every turn. Perhaps I wasn’t meant to be on this ship, rather destined to continue the journey of life on some humble makeshift raft. As long as it gets me to where I am heading, I shouldn’t mind for a more practical solution. I might find it enjoyable as well! In other words, I should be preparing myself for some abrupt changes in my life. And what more exciting (and nerve wrecking) than writing for a living as a backup plan!

Therefore, I will have to tap on this keyboard more often to hone my writing skills. But do expect the occasional hiccups and SOS calls from being stranded in some desolated dessert once in awhile. The key here is lighting up the fire of writing once again and pushing it close to a healthy obsession. I guess for the a good period of time, quantity will reign supreme against quality in this hallowed halls of writing-dom. Heh!

Bermusafir: Peluang Terbaik Beribadah

Assalamualaikum,

Minggu ini saya akan akan ucapkan selamat jalan (sekejap) kepada Kajang / Ampang / Gombak kerana menghadiri beberapa mesyuarat dan bengkel sehingga hari Khamis minggu depan. Terus terang saya katakan saya kurang berminat dengan bak kata orang moden, ber-outstation. Selain bakal menemui keadaan yang bukan sahaja di luar rutin hidup, orang yang merantau atau bermusafir (atas sebab-sebab yang harus dalam Agama), mesti akan menempuh perkara-perkara yang sedikit sebanyak akan membongkar siapakah diri kita yang sebenar.

Sumber: PS3mac.com

Semalam Yang Hangat

Dear Friends,

Now, now before the seemingly ‘provocative’ title gets you wondering, it’s not about some past life love affair. In fact, this is the prime reason I want to jot out about this 2005 song by the rock group Wings with Mel as the lead singer. The lyrics is quite catchy but gives out the usual failed love message, on the face of it of course.

OLDIE: Pent Up Heat Usually Fizzles Out Even in a Thermos (Picture Courtesy of: Secondcharm)

The Case of the Infestation of the Oddly Mutated Lifeforms!

Dear Friends,

I am forever reminded that the golden age of the 70s – 90s is virtually over. Just like the rock and roll days or even Stockholm era; it all ended quite abruptly. So sudden in the sense that the majority of people didn’t quite realised it. Slithering smoothly like a snake in the dark of the night, it was very much over by the time somebody shouted “hey, that’s so yesterday!” every time they see me walking in my baggy pants to work. Worst is I was spending my sweet time watching the clouds float by when all this happened (never mind that I don’t give a hoot about my pants).

Courtesy of: Wallpapercorb.com

From whatever and back

Dear Friends,

Let’s clear the airways and throats of the obvious question; where the blazes have you been and what happened to the blog? ‘Nuff said, I went astray in life for some free willy, careless adventure into something less desired by all, to say the least. Anyway, let’s see what’s different (as per myself or the world I became for a moment sensible of the surroundings)…

Courtesy of Wallpaperbase.com

Strange but true…

Dear Friends,

You remembered me apart from profusely apologising to friends (and myself) for various snafu committed in rapid succession a few weeks ago. It was one hazy episode of my life that I think I was riding the Mass Rapid Transit on a VIP ticket to Tanjong Rambutan (no kidding here!). Of course, some would attribute it to some usual suspects such as office lethargy and old age. I did too but I begged with myself to disagree.

LOONY LOT: I was on my way to the nutty ville

My apologies…

Dear Friends,

Being human, I tend to err. In fact, I find myself in error most of the time, either with strangers or friends. Statistically though, I run afoul with friends and myself more than with people I don’t know. Probably this is a incurable defect in myself due to my incredibly small amygdala which is a part of the brain that controls human’s ability to socialise with others. Read the Star for a glimpse of this study.

Sorry #1: I‘m actually sorry!

Looking back

Dear Friends,

It’s another beautiful God blessed Saturday afternoon. Although by shifting my view a tad bit, the clock is showing otherwise. It is actually 6.00 in the evening. Undoubtedly, Saturday is leaving me again as quickly as the morning began. No adventures for me today but thank Allah I didn’t spend the day at the office again.